A Hard Year

I honestly think things are going to get better this year, but they don't they just get worse! Don't get me wrong, my professional life is doing amazing, but my personal life has had a few snags this year! Lets start of with I have gained 13 pounds!! I don't want to hear the owe you look greats, spare me please. Anytime I see a new picture of me I cringe. My face is so fat and I look like a MAN! Many of you know that Bryan has lost his job, and I have turned into sole provider at the Holt home. I am grateful that I am keeping up with things, but it is so stressful! Which probably doesn't help the above issue or the fact that I have an alarming amount of acne all over my face now. I think the worst of it is the death. My Grandpa died in front of me this past July. I had never seen anyone actually die before let alone someone I love so much. Back in March my beautiful cousin Camille lost her baby boy at 20 weeks. She had to go through the whole delivery process and we have all been heart broken for her. Just a little over a week ago a young women I grew up with died in a car crash, she was 24. I went to her viewing the day before I left for my vacation, it was so sad. While on my trip to escape the modern world for a bit, one of my Dad's cousins had a tragedy. It was the last day of our actual trip and her son came up with his wife. They went out 4 wheeling in the morning. We got news about an hour later that his wife had gone missing. We immediately formed a search party and went out to find her. Two hours later she was finally found and we raced to help her in any way we could. She had slammed into a rock and broke her shoulder. While I was sitting with her holding her hands and comforting her I heard fluid in her breathing. She said it hurt to breath and she was so white. She kept telling me and my Dad's cousin Connie that she was going to die. We assured her that wasn't going to happen. We finally got her into a truck to get her to a place that life flight could land. On the way in the truck she passed out and lost her pulse. My uncle and his cousin performed CPR, but could never regain a pulse. She died on the helicopter to the hospital. What is really scary is the hospital is saying she shouldn't have died from the injuries she sustained (we are waiting for the autopsy report for more information). I am having a hard time understanding why I am going through all this death right now. It feels like death is hovering over me waiting to pounce. I feel like I have aged at least 5 years. Apparently God needs a lot of people who surround me right now. I know they are in a far better place then here, but it is still so hard. I've never lost this many people in such close proximity in my life. Forgive me if I seem out of sorts right now. I am tired right now, and struggling to stay on top of everything. I am pretty clingy to my family at the moment, and am just trying to find my happy place. I really can't wait for this year to be over! I am hoping that 2011 will have a much happier outlook for me.